November 25, 2016

Have you ever been dragged to the Golden Corral by your Grand Parents at 3:30 on a Sunday? You kind of want to be excited and at the same time not show how utterly disgusted and disappointed you are to your grand folks. After all, they ARE spending the little bit of money they get from the government to take your ungrateful ass out to the Coral. So what do you do?  You eat the shoe leather steak and the lumpy mash potatoes and smile for old Pee Pop. Yeah, that’s exactly what this year has felt for me when it comes to sex toys. Nothing has come around to make me feel like I am at a Longhorn steak house. Everything has been a long line of disappointing buffet food.  Even so I need to provide reviews for you the people. It’s my duty as XXX Branded. So as I stand here staring at the sneeze guard I decide that Koko’s new hand held masturbator named Gloria is the best choice.
There are several reasons why I picked the Gloria to do a review.  One of the reasons is its aestatic look. It has a very youthful camel toe design that I rather enjoy. Also the cut away view led me to believe that the inner structure would feel natural and somewhat organic. It has numerous raised ridges to simulate folds and flaps of skin. It has an extenuated G-spot that dangles down like a pleasure stalactites. Or is it the other word??? Who knows who cares? The inner structure does mimic realistic vaginal sex, but one of its best selling points isn’t even the inner structure. It is how well the Gloria pairs with the Meiki plush hip. Not only does the color dye they use for the toy blend in perfect with the hip, the hip itself offers up even more tightness. This toy is tight on its own due to the construction. It’s dense and restricting and gives very little in stretchiness. This is something you can feel after immediately pulling the toy out of its packaging. Once placed inside the Meiki Plush Hip the added pressure brings every nook and cranny to life. I fell in love with this Meiki immediately. It is the first time in a long time I could actually feel everything this toy had to offer. Maybe it’s the dual layer design, or maybe just the overall restricting construction, either way I loved it and was quickly looking at the sisters in this Artist Collection from Kokos.
Here is where the Gloria nosedives straight into the pavement. Because of its restrictive design, it’s almost impossible to get any type of foam bottle brush to the bottom of the tunnel. It is an insanely tight squeeze. I suggest using anti-bacterial toy cleaner as a form of lube to reach the bottom. You may attempt to pry it open to help you out in this task. However you will quickly discover my point. This baby simply does not want to give an inch more. So with that said, take your time and be patient. If you need more tips click this link to watch my instructional video of how to clean a masturbator.         
Pretty neutral here as well. The price point is around the golden $45.00 mark. So it is in the family of literally hundreds of other mid-sized masturbators. So in all honesty it all comes down to performance. Even though there are giants in this valley of male sex toys, you really can’t go wrong buying this one. It’s a great toy with a few minor flaws. To me though I would rather save up my money a little longer and get a Vorze SA. But that’s just me. If you are hard up, impatient, or already own the Vorze SA, you really don’t want to pass this up. Especially if you own a Meiki Plush Hip. This is a necessity for those proud owners.
I will keep this brief. If you have the cash I highly recommend you buy this. If you have a Meiki Plush Hip…I DEMAND it!